“Two weeks later, my last living grandparent passed away,” Anissa Perla remembers. “It was a horrible, dark time in our life. I remember thinking, I need to grieve and just let my opinions out. I wanted to take it to another level in terms of sharing with other women and men. Miscarriages happen more often than we think; it’s [approximately] 1 in 4 women. We don’t talk about it. It’s like a sad, secret society.”
Church leaders should be especially careful, Luttrell believes. “Leaders are put on pedestals and are expected to be perfect and have normative experiences, but if they have struggles like everybody else does—like a porn addiction or divorce—then everyone’s scandalized. They’re expected to keep it silent and not say anything.